A Letter to My Strong-Willed Daughter on International Women’s Day 2020

Here’s to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.

I knew motherhood was going to come with some big challenges. I knew I wasn’t going to get it right all the time. I knew I would make mistakes and we would yell and scream at each other. I knew I would make decisions that were right for me but not necessarily right for you. But my biggest challenge as a mum has been to stop proving to people that you are worthy of their love and attention. 

Over the last six years, one of the greatest gifts I have had is time. Time to sit back and watch how things have played out; how people interact with you, how people speak to you, how people give of their time for you and how people unintentionally disempower you. 

I have also had time to watch you thrive, to develop a sense of who you are, to stand your ground when you feel strongly enough about something and to voice your concerns about the world and the people in it. 

As your mum, I spend so much time trying to control your behaviour because I worry about what other people will think. I now realise what a mistake that is, because all it does is give them the power to control who you are. Until you’re a mum, it is hard to comprehend how one little person can both fill your heart and break it at the same time, but it happens – daily.

You see, I want so much for you. I want you to feel loved and supported and protected. I want you to feel like you matter, but the problem is I want other people to do the same for you and some won’t. So it is important to me that you know that you don’t need to look for that outside of yourself. 

On International Women’s Day 2020, here is what I know and what I want you to know:

When people don’t respond to you the way you expect them to, it’s because they don’t know how to respond to someone they can’t control.

When you are told that you are too loud, it’s because they don’t know how to respond to someone who knows how to use their voice.

When comments are made about the ‘petiteness’ of other girls your age right in front of you, it’s because those people use weight as a standard of measurement for worthiness. It should never be a measurement of your worth…ever.

When you are told you are strong-willed in such a way that it is something to be ashamed of, my darling, you dig your heels in even more. Show them how strong-willed you can be, because you are showing them what they themselves are afraid to do.

I am not interested in whether you are the best reader in class, or whether you have the most friends or if you can do cart wheels, back flips or tumble turns better than others or whether you are somebody’s ‘favourite’. The only thing I am interested in is that you are raised to be a decent human being, one that goes through life helping others to rise.

I have had the gift of time.

Time to get to know you better than you know yourself right now.

But that won’t always be the case.

The way I know you is never going to get you to where you want to be in life. To get where you want to go, there will come a time when you will need to know yourself better than anyone. This begins with giving yourself permission to be who you want to be regardless of other people’s love and attention.

Use that strong will to change the world. You come from a line of strong women who have your back no matter what and with that you can do anything.