“So long as you live, keep learning how to live”~ Seneca

While I would have loved to have packed myself up and taken off on a journey of self discovery around the world this year, I was destined to partake in a journey of a different kind.

The last blog post I wrote was at the beginning of the year and it outlined a list of 64 things I aim to complete before I turn 64. I haven’t been able to write since. I didn’t have the words or the passion, just a lot of anger, and while I could have expressed that anger time and time again I had to work through it not ‘get over it.’

My outlook on life has changed dramatically in the last 12 months; the year has taught me so much about myself but also a lot about the value of other people. More importantly, it has given me time to reflect on the loss of my dad and the impact that has had on my own life and how I intend to live it.

Death. It does not discriminate, it is the one universal thing we all have in common but it is the one thing we find so hard to talk about and yet life really can’t be understood without it.

Dad and I talked a lot – he was my voice of reason. We had numerous conversations about how to move forward should something happen to him. I knew he didn’t want to be hooked up to machines keeping him alive, I knew he was tired and wanted to retire, I knew what was to happen with his Pharmacy, I knew his one and only priority in life was to make sure mum was taken care of and I knew he didn’t want to be defined by his job, it was his passion and profession but it was not his life’s work. What I didn’t know was how the hell we were all going to move on without him.

After the death of a loved one, it’s natural to focus on all the good that is lost but what we often forget to do is actively look for all the good that remains. Dad’s life work did not die with him, it lives on in his wife, his children, his grandchildren and the lives he enriched with his advice and compassion both professionally and privately and that is what we like to think of as his legacy. He had much to be proud of but chose to walk humbly through life. Not everyone joined him on the path he was walking but he walked it anyway and earned himself a great deal of love, respect and gratitude.

In my current role as a workshop facilitator for kikki.K, I talk to people about the importance of expressing gratitude. Although, the more I talked about it the more I realised I wasn’t necessarily leading by example so I made a promise that this Christmas I would take the time to express my gratitude to the people who have been patient with me, who haven’t judged, who have let me do my thing and who have challenged me to be the best person I can possibly be. 

Thank you first and foremost to my dad for giving me the opportunity to tick another three things off my ’64 before 64’ list. I know he had a hand in each one of these:

• Go on a guilt free shopping spree
• Stand on Audrey Hepburn’s Star on the Walk of Fame in LA
• Find a job I am passionate about. 

Thank you to my cousin Rachel for taking me on the guilt free shopping spree 🙂

Thank you to the empowering women I work with at kikki.K–they have no idea how much they have inspired me and got me through this year with their positivity and support.

Thank you to the guests at my workshops, some who have now become friends and have opened my eyes to the fact there are still so many good people in this world.

Thank you to mum for finding her voice – it is the most powerful tool you possess so use it to the best of your ability.

Thank you to my husband Stuart. I have given this man a lot of shit over the years, especially this year and yet he still brings me a cup of tea every night and tells me he loves me every single day. That right there is a bloody awesome man!

And thank you to my three divine kids – Toby, Lucas and Audrey. You are the reason I get out of bed every morning  and stop me from shutting the world out, especially when it seems like the easier option.

And so life goes on, people change, we have families to raise, bills to pay, jobs to do and we are all navigating our way through whatever precious time we have left in this beautiful world. 

Lx